SCAM ARTISTS
Thanks for Nothing Laser Away
Not gonna be pretty in Tent City
Yep. Nothing like being homeless. Ask any homeless person.
What? You don’t talk to homeless people? Why not?
Because it’s too difficult a thing for you? All the fun they’re having living in tents in a parking lot in downtown Phoenix, Arizona in the summer is too much love and wonderfulness for you?
Me either. But if Laser Away doesn’t stop charging me for services I never received, I could end up there in all that glamourous fun.
I just wanted to feel better.
My best friend died. The business we had just launched was working. It wasn’t a big deal in the world of corporate monsters, taking care of people’s pets and houses while they were away, but it was a big deal for us. When she died so did the business, overnight, just like her.
I was also working for a manipulator who strung me along for two years, rarely paying me as agreed. I was tired, wore out and I had a constant throbbing headache from the knot in my forehead from all the stress and worry.
And to top it off, I had a tooth break. Yes, break, in half. A bottom front tooth. This required emergency care, which turned into a 9-month nightmare and an implant.
I went to Laser Away in Scottsdale, Arizona in the ritzy Scottsdale Quarter. I’d been before, a couple of units of botox between the eyes, and those headaches became non-existent. But botox was it.
During one visit though, I asked about the cheek fillers, thinking a little perk in the pucker might lift my spirits. Because seeing your grandmother's face in the mirror is definitely not a ‘spirit lifter.’
I didn’t let them fill my hollows as much as they would have liked to. The little bit that went in was good. I was happy with the results. I was also able to afford the procedure.
The second round did not go as well. Between the botox and the filler I had some pretty bad bruising that took so long to heal, all the fullness was gone and my face was back to ‘normal’ before my skin color was.
Somewhere between the first and second round, a sales staff at Laser Away offered me a ‘special.’ You know, one of those ‘only for our special clients’ kind of deal? This one was so special, you could call it Unjust Enrichment. Which is what the friend of a friend who happens to work as a bankruptcy attorney called it.
What Laser Away really offered me was a Line of Debt. They would charge me upfront for services I had not yet decided upon. I would just be paying for them now, and decide later. What a deal!
Of course, the salesgirl at Laser Away didn’t explain it like that, I didn’t realize that the ‘decide later’ had a time limit. After my face returned to its natural color, I decided I didn’t want any more fillers. I haven’t even had any botox between my eyes since that last experience (and my head is fucking killing me. It’s from squinting into a computer screen the majority of my hours, through glasses that sit upon a broken nose. God this is a long fucking story.).
Apparently I ‘decided’ too late to not do anything else. But the charges for the what-ifs went on my account to the tune of $3,050.00, the special deal Laser Away offered me, a special client.
At first, I was able to keep up with the payments, and I paid for the services I received. But when I tried to ask that the rest of ‘the deal’ be terminated because I would not be pursuing further treatments, I went from being a special customer to someone whose calls and emails go unanswered.
When my mental health started affecting everything after the loss and abuse I’d been experiencing, and the loss of my income, I knew I wasn’t going to keep paying for something I had not received.
My entire 2020 was spent trying to have these charges reversed, along with the interest and late fees — and to stop them from wrecking my credit every month when I wasn’t able to make the payment, for services I did not receive.
As I tried to find a way out of this mess, I requested documents, medical records, and anything I had signed. The medical records they sent me showed I had answered YES to questions like “Are you pregnant?” and “Are you breastfeeding?” I was 53 at the time and no — I was not pregnant and I was not breastfeeding. I’ve been having hot flashes for over a fucking decade and I usually answer those questions with ‘hell fucking no.”
They also could not give me anything I signed because all of this was done by ‘tapping’ on a screen. No signatures.
So — just sayin’ here — if whoever filled in my medical information got it wrong, maybe they got the ‘tapping’ wrong too?
I called my local “Let This Guy Know” news station volunteers who usually help with situations like this. I can’t remember now why they couldn’t help me. But they did refer me to the Arizona Attorney Generals' office who sent Laser Away a letter. When the A.G. didn’t get anything back, they let me know they tried, and to let them know if I needed any more assistance. Yeah — actually I could use some help here. I’m being hounded for $3,050.00, plus finance and late fees, and my credit is being wrecked because I don’t want to put any more chemicals into my body and look like the woman who sold me the ‘sweet deal.’ Note to self: Never trust anyone whose face does not move.)
My Final Offer letter when out to them over a month ago. After a year of battling, and their magnanimous offer of putting my account in a ‘hardship’ category making payments for services I never received ‘affordable’ on my non-existent income, and temporarily stop them from wrecking my credit on a monthly basis, their generosity as reached its limit. They adjusted my account and added a year's worth of interest because the hardship, according to them, is over. The bill is now closer to $5,000. For services I never received.
And — because my account is ‘past due,’ I can’t use the account to pay for services if I wanted them. So really, they want me to pay twice, once before I use the services and again after I do, but only if there’s enough credit available?
So now that I’m facing even more personal hardships, like ending a 26-year marriage, needing someplace affordable to live, finding a job that doesn’t have me working for a manipulative criminal (and actually has a business license and pays taxes) and pays a living wage, paying for something I never received is definitely second or third on my to-do list.
Right after I pick out a tent and a parking spot. Maybe right in front of the Laser Away Scottsdale Quarter location?
Thank you Laser Away.
For Nothing.
