HEALING FROM PAST TRAUMA

Fixing My Broken Nose

It’s really none of your business

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

I don’t have to explain why I’m doing this. The reason I do is to let people know I will be out for a while. And when I return, they will see a swollen, black and blue face.

It’s something I’ve seen every day for 42 years. Once the swelling and bruising went away.

A bump on the side of my nose, at the bridge, right where my glasses sit. Or try to sit, where broken bones are pressed against the skin.

It’s not that noticeable to anyone but me. No one ever asks to know what happened, how my nose was broken, because to them, it isn’t.

Hearing “you don’t need your nose fixed! It looks fine to me,” doesn’t help when I say I’m preparing for nose surgery. I guess they automatically think I’m having cosmetic rhinoplasty to change my nose into something prettier, Kardashianer, or Barbier. Which I am not.

Not once has anyone just responded with “Why?” and then paused to listen. Is it because they don’t really want to know why I might need this done? Is it because they’re so self-absorbed and comfortable dispensing shallow wisdom to solve problems so we can all just move on and talk about them?

All it would take is one word — why. Not “Why would you,’ or any other response. An, “oh really? Why, what’s going on?” would be nicer to hear than “Why on earth would you want to do that?”

Like the other truths about my life the people closest to me don’t want to hear about in person, I pour my words onto pages where and when I can for the whole world to know my story if they were to stumble upon it. Sharing my stories in this way is cathartic. I know the power writing has when it comes to healing.

Here are 12 reasons why I’m having my broken nose fixed, 42 years after it was broken:

1. It should have never happened.
2. It should have been fixed when it happened.
3. My breathing is affected.
4. I am at an age where wearing glasses is an everyday necessity. Putting glasses on my face, on my nose, HURTS and I am sick of spending my days with nauseating headaches.